Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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