forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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