i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
