I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
