i barfeds in our rink
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
