I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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