if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
