i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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