Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
