I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
