just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
