WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
