I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
