is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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