I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
