Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize