Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
