You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
