So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
