1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
