Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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