Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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