I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i've created a new STD.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
