I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
