That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my liver is dry heaving
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
