At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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