Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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