Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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