I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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