I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Someone shit on the floor
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
