youre lurking in front of me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
