sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
People in love make me want to vomit
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
