I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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