Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
