the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
