conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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