I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
