i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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