Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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