the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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