member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
