the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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