I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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