so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
