did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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