Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
how drunk are you?
Several
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
