Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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