LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
