Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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