Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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