also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize