i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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