your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
