Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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