dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
