wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
