I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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