Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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