she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
