UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize