Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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