So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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