I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize