his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize