Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
