why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
