i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
