Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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