Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
