So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
