Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
