haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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