woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
